


Something Clever

by innie



Category: Hot Fuzz (2007)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-12
Updated: 2017-11-12
Packaged: 2019-02-01 10:49:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12703476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/innie/pseuds/innie
Summary: Danny undergoes a genre shift.





	Something Clever

**Author's Note:**

  * For [edna_blackadder](https://archiveofourown.org/users/edna_blackadder/gifts).



> My thanks to AuKestrel for the beta and Britpick!

Surprising, Danny thought, that he wasn't more excited to be the police officer telling the little kiddies with their shining morning faces over at Sandford Primary all about what policing was like. Especially when he was the one who'd broken the former (murderous) Headmistress's nose in defence of Nicholas's Last (only not, thank Christ) Stand, for which some of the older boys – cheeky fuckin' monkeys, the lot of them – wanted to congratulate and thank him. 

Or maybe not so surprising, going by what Nicholas had said on his first day on the job in Sandford: policing was their job, to be taken seriously, and when done right it provided quiet satisfaction that no movie, however great or violent or adrenaline-inducing, could compete with. Danny hadn't watched even one of his cop movies all the way through since he'd woken in his hospital bed after taking the bullet Professor Weaver had meant for Nicholas. It was like them fancy chefs who ate nothing but pot noodles when they got home, tongues too deadened by hours of fancy ingredients to even taste anything proper like. It was no good telling them to try a Cornetto, and it was no good him looking reproachfully at Keanu Reeves's square jaw and asking where the magic had gone.

 _This shit just got real_ couldn't thrill him anymore, not when he'd come back from being gut-shot – none of the movie boys ever managed that, the music alone was enough to say that lead in the tum was inevitably fatal – and got to say things like "bring the noise" from the passenger side of the car Nicholas – the chief – was driving. 

Shit _had_ got real, and it was, well, shit. 

When he found himself locking up his dad and giving thanks that his mum had killed herself before having to see herself made the excuse for all the utter _rank_ bastardy that her husband and the town elders had pulled, there was really no other word for the whole situation.

But Danny hadn't been brought up to complain, even if his whole life was nothing like it'd once been, now that his eyes had been opened. He spent his days on patrol with Nicholas, knowing he was keeping the remnants of his town safe, though really it was just from people who took militant stances for and against composting. Doing paperwork with the whole lot of the Sandford force didn't afford even as much satisfaction as finding new uses for smelly old trash, but DS Andy's dirty jokes and Doris's dirtier charades kept the mood in the station light and DC Andy's dad brought in enough fruit to go around for snacks, so it wasn't all bad. Even when the most excitement he'd got from his day job in months was the time Tony had nearly choked on a grape when Doris acted out the car-washing scene from _Cool Hand Luke_ though the word was _warden_ , Danny thought he'd be alright eventually. Bound to be, really. He just needed to find a new hobby or summat.

Popping round to the shops sounded like a step in the right direction.

*

He walked to the shop that had once been Miss Roper's, just because he'd miss getting a gander at the lilies Nicholas was growing if he took his car; the sight of them always gave him a thrill, though he couldn't say why. Walking down from Spencer Hill, he ended up in the centre of the action; it was still Sandford, so the action was just mums with prams plus a few young ones playing kiss chase. Bob was patrolling the main square, so Danny waved and saw Bob lose one of the wine gums he kept in the pocket of his stab vest when he waved back, only for Saxon to dash in out of nowhere to snap it up. Saxon appeared very pleased with himself and wagged his tail to wave back before offering his services in the kids' game.

The bell over the shop door was just the same, a familiar chime. Annabel Cocker ran the shop now, and she gave him her usual nod when he headed straight for the freezer to liberate a Cornetto so he'd have something to sustain himself with while he looked through the inventory. Postcards – no, he'd have to go somewhere else to send them proper, and he had a responsibility to the community not to go haring off. Instructional CDs – he wasn't ever going to really learn to play the guitar, was he? Not counting _Guitar Hero_ , of course, coz he was a fuckin' master at that.

He ended up, as he'd sorta known he would, in front of the DVDs on their spindly display carousels. There was quite a mix there, everything jumbled together, so it wasn't like he could just skip a rack of the action shit he'd once loved or all the big-eyed Jesus films Miss Roper ordered for Reverend Shooter. And then he saw Keanu again, this time wearing an American football jersey, and he sighed happily. Sport movies were clearly what he'd been missing, and he pulled a few more from the carousel – ice hockey, baseball, and real footy joined the Keanu pile.

"That one's shite," Annabel said, chucking the baseball DVD to one side but ringing up the others. "Trust me, Sergeant Butterman, sir."

It wasn't like she'd hear his protests over the sound of her popping her gum. "Ta, Annabel," he said anyway, and took the lily-gazing route home.

*

Nicholas looked pinker and more freckled than usual the next day. "Gardening," he said, though Danny hadn't seen him outside either time. Probably just his luck that when he'd been strolling by, Nicholas had been inside sipping a cranberry juice or a lemonade or summat.

"Suits you," he said, gesturing vaguely at the chief, whose shirt was as white and crisp as the sheets of paperwork they were filling out. Nicholas looked up to catch the gesture and Danny halted for a second because his eyes looked _so_ blue against his ruddier-than-usual cheeks.

"Thanks, Danny. What did you do on your day off?"

"Nothin' special. Went down to the shops, got a few films."

"We should watch one together, again, some time," Nicholas said, and Danny couldn't tell if Nicholas was stuttering or if he was just having a hard time hearing him. Gardening wouldn't have affected his voice, would it?

"Alrigh', yeah," he agreed, wondering if Nicholas had gone pinker still even though they were indoors. "I'll watch a few, figure out what'll suit you."

"I'll bring the beer," Nicholas offered, and Danny grinned.

"You know, your cranberry juice is growin' on me. Just needs a splash of vodka."

Nicholas just looked thoughtful at that, and Danny bent his head over his paperwork, careful not to catch a glimpse of his boss looking . . . the way he did today. Different, but still the same.

*

It wasn't sport movies or the promise of athletic action that he'd been missing, he realised when he rewatched the entire rotation of _Fever Pitch_ , _The Cutting Edge_ , and _The Replacements_ ; he might not know a lot about figure skating or American football, but he was pretty sure they didn't work like that. They were love stories with snappy one-liners, same as _Bad Boys II_ and _Point Break_ , and though the epiphany he'd had (that Keanu Reeves was dead gorgeous) was true, there was an even bigger picture here. And that was that life was so much better with someone to love.

He cracked open another beer, opened a bag of cheese-and-onion crisps, and settled in to think. Options were fairly limited; he'd never really fancied anyone, proper like, not in a fingering-up-the-duck-pond way. Only in an idle-fancy kinda way, when the choice was between daydreaming and actually paying attention in class. 

He'd always got on well enough with people, had a band of mates, but Nicholas was the first real friend he'd ever made. And Nicholas was well fit; when he'd thought Nicholas had had sex with a plant, he'd reasoned that the Lily had got a pretty good deal (having sex with Nicholas, being loved by Nicholas, _and_ getting to keep flowering like a champ). So it followed that he was probably well on his way to loving Nicholas. 

Glad to have that settled, he licked the cheese-and-onion dust from his fingers and applied himself more seriously to the beer. The blokes in those movies always got the last word before the big kiss, saying something clever that referenced the ups and downs of their relationships, but he had no idea what to say. Nothing came to him the whole time he nursed that beer, or the next, or the next, but in a flash of insight he decided to sleep on it and toppled sideways on the sofa.

*

Doris was good at innuendo, so Danny stuck tight to her for the rest of the week. He learned more about sexual positions than he'd ever dreamt – Doris _owned_ the duck pond like she was its very own Lady of the Lake, apparently – but nothing about what he could possibly say to woo Nicholas. He didn't think reminding him of the ketchup trick was sufficiently romantic, but kept that in his back pocket just in case.

"Pub?" he asked on Friday after their last shift of the week, spraying on Lynx like it was going out of style.

Nicholas turned – Danny had been enjoying the view of his freckled shoulders – and said, "Yours?"

"What, you wanna watch a film?" Danny asked, surprised. He wasn't too worried about the state of the place; Nicholas had been there before and wouldn't expect his boxes to be unpacked or the floor to be spotless.

"We should talk," Nicholas said, and Danny tried very hard to swallow around the lump in his throat, which didn't go away even after Nicholas clammed up and marched ahead.

*

Nicholas refused a beer once he was perched on the edge of Danny's sofa, so Danny set his down unopened. "I've filled out paperwork, but it's up to you whether I file it or not," Nicholas said, as if he always jumped into the middle of a story, and Danny was more confused than ever.

"You love filing paperwork," was all Danny could say. It must have been right, because Nicholas smiled at him, teeth and all, and Danny grinned back. "That's wha' you wanted to talk about?"

"The paperwork is for two officers entering into a sexual relationship," Nicholas said, looking at him. 

Danny looked at every freckle on Nicholas's face while he considered how he could embark upon a sexual relationship without so much as a kiss to start. He really wanted to kiss Nicholas. He would have done it straight away, only he still hadn't thought of the perfect line.

"It's my favourite paperwork of all time," Nicholas said, leaning in, and that was when Danny realised he'd been nodding, giving Nicholas the go-ahead.

Too late to think of anything now. "Something clever," he said, just before Nicholas pressed him back into the sofa in an absolutely perfect kiss.


End file.
